Drowning My Emotions

For Jess

I feel I walk the road alone
In the shadow of love and fulfillment
I linger blinded by nostalgia
Remorseful I look back
Waiting for the next party
So I can drown my emotions again

Waiting till I can no longer feel
I know your disappointed in me
But all I see is miseries
I shouldn't do it this way but...
I'm waiting for the next party
So I can drown my emotions again

I start to see a vision of hope
But it disappears as I approach
A mirage of what I think
Yet it just makes my soul seek relief
Waiting for the next party
So I can drown my emotions again

Clouds

I lie on my back and stare at the sky
staring at the clouds passing by my life
each takes on a different shape
briefly revealing its wonders - then leaving
they steal my thoughts and linger in my mind.

Looking back I realize I was moving
and the lonely clouds were remaining still
I wonder why the clouds had captivated me
why I focused on the fleeting and not what remained
I should not have ignored the grass between my feet.

Now I focus on the Sun, Sky, the Earth
it is always there whether I see it or not
I do not ignore my foundations
I look not up at the clouds longingly
instead trust in what I know won't leave me.

I remember the clouds, for where they brought me
but know it will never be the same
the rugged land has reformed me
and remained within my grasps
and I never want to let it go.

No Longer Broken

You make my heart at ease
I want to share it all
the hurt the joy, the ignorant, the irrelevant
you erase the pain of the past
with hope for the future
nothing has brought me closer
to where I want to be than you
my flaws overlap your strengths
my strengths overlap your flaws
we become stronger
I can no longer be broken
yet without you I would crumble
wondering alone I found no comfort
but your laughter warmth and purity
gives me hope and faith
without saying a word
you answer my questions
I can forget the hurt
and be contently vulnerable
to become more secure

I yearn to be translucent

I yearn to be translucent
for all to see what I with hold
don't want to have to find a way to share
if you already knew
we could go from there
our perspectives weigh us down
forced to look for hidden meanings
instead of taking things for what they're worth
if you could see through me
I could be content to stand in silence
no longer feeling an awful void
you would know why I linger
running from my fear
I don't need to be translucent
just need to be more free
and reach to find grace and peace
and soon put my worries behind me
and allow myself to sleep

Born Again

The light of the moon shows on the sidewalk
but only in faded stains interrupted by the earth's distractions
the young boy turns on his flashlight
but only sees the last remaining flickers of its life
the boy is walking down the path
but he can not see what the future brings

A car pulls up with headlights so bright
it causes the boy to squint
getting in the car the boy gets closer to home
the end of the road he must travel himself
after adding new batteries to his flashlight
he is soon home, out of the car, surrounded by light.

Thanks

I hadn't asked for it
but you gave it to me
what more could I ask for
you already gave your life
a gift so large yet so often refused

so unworthy yet so grateful
I give you my heart
and you give me my soul
which I try to divide and distribute
scattering your word in the wind

grace and peace follow me always
bringing me comfort and strength
others believe for me it comes easy
yet I am just a faucet
dispensing your love.

Shadow on the Mountain

My peers surround me yet I am alone
the strength of you is beside me
yet I grasp the side of the cliff with my fingertips
I can not fall, I know it
yet I can't let go
hands torn and bleeding
from fighting the fight
there is an extra shadow
with me on the mountainside
a peaceful memory lingers
the world's evil sea is parted
by a single thought
it's funny sometimes
I want to let go
to fall into the arms of grace and peace
but I am not alone
and I know that now
after squandering my wealth
I have come back to you
you give me a new robe
and then we feast
when you feel lost
and your soul is empty
return back to the source
the light is brighter there
and there is always extra room
so, when your hands are torn and bleeding
from fighting the fight
remember there is an extra shadow
with you on the mountainside